"You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is never to try."
"Damn TV! It ruined my imagination and my ability to umm, well uh... you know."
"Most women will tell you that you're a fool to think you can change a man. But those women are quitters!"
"Ugh! I am sick of everyone being so proud of me!"
"Single? Well, he passes the Selma test."
"Some days at the DMV, we don't let the line move at all. We call those weekdays."
Charles Montgomery Burns
"One Dollar For Eternal Happiness? I'd be happier with the dollar."
"It's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney that drunk? Is Homer really that lazy, bald, and fat?"
Comic Book Guy
"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."
"Each jump brings us closer to GOD!"
"How come we only get to go to church three times a week?"
"There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."
Dr. Julius Hibbert
"Because this is a life or death emergency, I'll be requiring cash up front."
"Your permanent record will one day disqualify you from all but the hottest and noisiest jobs."
"Man, look at all the crap with my face on it."
"Carl, let me die first. I couldn't bear to watch you die."
"Party heart equals tardy."
"Smell ya later!"
"One twenty-nine cent stamp? That's a dollar eighty-five."
"Pick me, teacher! I'm ever so smart!"
"Ah, Diorama-Rama, my favorite school event, next to Hearing-Test Thursday."
"I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die."
"I'm better than dirt â€“ well, most kinds of dirt."
Robert Terwilliger (Sideshow Bob)
"I did once try to kill the world's greatest lover, but then I realized that there were laws against suicide."
Milhouse Van Houten
"Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
"With the No. 1 Cop in town on the job, you've got nothing to worry about. Now, where'd I put my gun?"
"Me fail English? Thatâ€™s unpossible!"
"You bath-takin underpants-wearin lily-hugger!"